I don't have a Random Things #2 started yet, but I have always been one to plan ahead. So, here goes:
#1- I'm a big fan of abbreviations, or abbrevs. Mostly. One I will never ever ever use even if I think it in my head is D.I.N.K. Not only is this Kirk's aunt's name, but it stands for Dual Income No Kids. Someone recently referred to Kirk & I as DINKs and I nearly fainted. I mean, I could come up with some good abbrevs for parents whose kids are wild, like PWKAW, (clever, I know!), but you don't hear me going around calling people that! Maybe because I figure that you know your kids are wild. And clearly I know that we have two incomes and no kids. I don't need the reminder, thanks.
#2- I heart Dr. O. He is so very kind and explains everthing to me 27 times until the look of confusion is worn off of my face. He has a wonderful way about him, and I very much thank my GYN for recommending him. My brother was married to his darling love on July 25. Natch, since I was in the wedding, I needed to get my nails done, so a couple girlfriends and I went to get mani/pedis. Couple of weeks later, at my 2nd IUI, I was all in position, (you know), and Dr. O. looks at my bare feet on the stirrups and says, "Hey, your toenails match the stirrup covers!" I immediately make some joke about how they were the inspiration of my color choice at the nail salon, which I think he thought I was serious, and then I wondered if he got my humor or not... Anyway, I just love that he has such a great bedside manner. It's a nice change of pace.
#3- Another thing I heart (prepare yourself for this shock) is BABIES!!! I love them when they are so small that they need nothing more than to be held in a rocking chair and maybe fed a bottle or something like that. Kirk & I attend the most wonderful church in the world and I am on the baby holding team. No joke. Once a week, I hold babies with my pal. The church is so big that, instead of a bunch of kids running around in one room all together, we have different rooms for each age group, and I get to work in the room with the bittiest of the bitty... The Caterpillar room! Everthing about my church, I love, but I especially love that I am holding babies for Jesus! I mean, it's a match made in Heaven!!
#4- One of the things that came out of today's follow up with Dr. O. was that I could stand to lose a few pounds. He's not advocating some crash diet, and he says that my weight is fine, but it wouldn't hurt anything if I got a little healthier. I figured since we're talking IVF and it's pretty expensive and invasive, I want to optimize my chances in any way possible. Thus, I am going to start doing Yoga and I'm considering accupuncture, in addition to having a healthier diet. This means no more Puffy's Therapy. Or at least, less often.
That's all folks.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Do me a favor...
I watch a lot of TV. Mostly because my brain doesn't have to think about anything important, I can literally space out and be entertained by low level things. One of my newest guilty pleasures is Police Women of Broward County, it comes on TLC Thursday nights at 9. Let me just tell you- I love this show big time. It makes me laugh, it makes me, well, laugh some more. The show follows 4 female cops in Broward County, Florida, as they execute traffic stops, serving warrents, interviewing suspects, you name it. My absolute favorite officer is Deputy Shelunda Cooper. She is so straight forward and direct, you never have to question where you stand with her. While conducting a search on another female suspect, as the suspect is screaming at her to get out of her face, Deputy Cooper leans in real close and says, "Do me a favor... shut your mouth." She doesn't get worked up, just matter of fact. I. Love. This. I wish I was more like her. In fact, I am going to work on being more like her because I heart her so. She demands respect and settles for nothing less than 100% compliance. Maybe I'll be a little bit more easy going, but only because I don't have the badge (or the brute stregnth) to force people into submission like she does. But I will say, it's important to say how you feel, and let others know what you expect of them.
So... back to reality for a hot sec. IUI #3 resulted in another BFN. Boo hoo. I was hoping for a BFP, well with it being the third time and all. I've come to terms with it, and I'm all good now. Kirk & I had a follow up visit with Dr. O this afternoon to discuss our options. After reviewing the past 3 IUI's, Dr. O is recommending that, if the next 1-3 treatments do not result in a pregnancy, then he would like to move into In Vetro Fertilization, or IVF. He explains it as IUI, just kicked up a couple of notches. Like Emeril, BAM! Not really.
Here's the quick version of the sitch: You take a bunch of meds to make your body produce lots and lots of follicles, then the doctors go in and take them all out, (egg retrieval), and meet them up with sperm in a lab. Egg + Sperm = Embryo. They watch them for a couple of days, and the one or two that are looking the best are put back into my uterus to burrow in and grow into a baby. Here's the best part... the success rates, while slightly less than 20% for an IUI with Superovulation, are a whopping 59%! Almost 3 fold! The downside? It's a lot more invasive, expensive, and scientific. It's not a guarantee, but the odds are more in our favor.
So after Dr. O finishes explaining all of this information to Kirk & I, I am spinning. I can barely form words to ask all of my questions, and thank God that Kirk was there to remember all of Dr. O's answers. I mean, it's really something. We're not sure exactly what to do, so in the meantime, we are starting round #4 IUI. It will take some time to get insurance to approve IVF, and we don't want to sit around and wait, so, what the heck. Why not. It's not as if IUI is ruled out as being successful after 3 failed attempts. I'm trying to stay positive. No Negative Nancy or Debbie Downer's here. No sir.
So... back to reality for a hot sec. IUI #3 resulted in another BFN. Boo hoo. I was hoping for a BFP, well with it being the third time and all. I've come to terms with it, and I'm all good now. Kirk & I had a follow up visit with Dr. O this afternoon to discuss our options. After reviewing the past 3 IUI's, Dr. O is recommending that, if the next 1-3 treatments do not result in a pregnancy, then he would like to move into In Vetro Fertilization, or IVF. He explains it as IUI, just kicked up a couple of notches. Like Emeril, BAM! Not really.
Here's the quick version of the sitch: You take a bunch of meds to make your body produce lots and lots of follicles, then the doctors go in and take them all out, (egg retrieval), and meet them up with sperm in a lab. Egg + Sperm = Embryo. They watch them for a couple of days, and the one or two that are looking the best are put back into my uterus to burrow in and grow into a baby. Here's the best part... the success rates, while slightly less than 20% for an IUI with Superovulation, are a whopping 59%! Almost 3 fold! The downside? It's a lot more invasive, expensive, and scientific. It's not a guarantee, but the odds are more in our favor.
So after Dr. O finishes explaining all of this information to Kirk & I, I am spinning. I can barely form words to ask all of my questions, and thank God that Kirk was there to remember all of Dr. O's answers. I mean, it's really something. We're not sure exactly what to do, so in the meantime, we are starting round #4 IUI. It will take some time to get insurance to approve IVF, and we don't want to sit around and wait, so, what the heck. Why not. It's not as if IUI is ruled out as being successful after 3 failed attempts. I'm trying to stay positive. No Negative Nancy or Debbie Downer's here. No sir.
Monday, September 14, 2009
The Diaper Aisle
When I was in high school, I worked at the local grocery store. Coworkers included my older brother, Danny, and my older sister, Kristi.
I was a cashier, Danny was a stock boy, and Kristi was an all around helper of an employee. She filled in for the receiver, front desk, manager, whoever needed filling in for. Sometimes, she stocked the Health and Beauty aisle. If we were particularly slow, the office girl would send me to help her, which I loved!
So, HBA is makeup, soap, shaving cream, stuff like that. And... diapers. I don't know what it is, but I LOVE the smell of diapers (IN PACKAGES, as in UNUSED). I find it to be a distinct and specific scent, and whenever I'm in the grocery store, I always walk down this aisle and take in a deep breath.
I know, it's weird.
I don't care. There is something so nostaligic about this scent for me. I connect a lot of scents to memories, like my Aunt Re-Re's perfume, or the smell of banana popsicles that remind me of my Nana & Pop Pop's house. Maybe it's the innocence of that time in my life, when the biggest deal of my life was who I would dance with at the prom. Now, there's bigger fish to fry, but these memories are still so very fresh.
Here's something else weird to distract you. My sister and I both smell everything before we eat it. If you order a dish, or a drink, we both ask to smell it before we decide if we want to ask to taste it. I smell t-shirts that are brand new. I smell towels that are fresh out of the dryer. I smell everything I can. This morning, driving into work, I could smell another woman's perfume in the car in front of me. It's bizarre, and I'm proud of it.
And it runs in my family, at least with my sister, so if I'm weird, so is she.
I was a cashier, Danny was a stock boy, and Kristi was an all around helper of an employee. She filled in for the receiver, front desk, manager, whoever needed filling in for. Sometimes, she stocked the Health and Beauty aisle. If we were particularly slow, the office girl would send me to help her, which I loved!
So, HBA is makeup, soap, shaving cream, stuff like that. And... diapers. I don't know what it is, but I LOVE the smell of diapers (IN PACKAGES, as in UNUSED). I find it to be a distinct and specific scent, and whenever I'm in the grocery store, I always walk down this aisle and take in a deep breath.
I know, it's weird.
I don't care. There is something so nostaligic about this scent for me. I connect a lot of scents to memories, like my Aunt Re-Re's perfume, or the smell of banana popsicles that remind me of my Nana & Pop Pop's house. Maybe it's the innocence of that time in my life, when the biggest deal of my life was who I would dance with at the prom. Now, there's bigger fish to fry, but these memories are still so very fresh.
Here's something else weird to distract you. My sister and I both smell everything before we eat it. If you order a dish, or a drink, we both ask to smell it before we decide if we want to ask to taste it. I smell t-shirts that are brand new. I smell towels that are fresh out of the dryer. I smell everything I can. This morning, driving into work, I could smell another woman's perfume in the car in front of me. It's bizarre, and I'm proud of it.
And it runs in my family, at least with my sister, so if I'm weird, so is she.
Wake me up when it's over...
There are some points in the journey of being "infertile" that I really don't mind.
=> Although the fertility center is more than 50 minutes away, and my appointments are on the cusp of the morning rush hour, usually I miss the traffic. It's actually a pleasant drive too.
=> Everyone at the center is SO sweet. I've only had one negative experience so far, but I'm going to try to stay positive here. The girls at the front desk are always smiling, the girls who draw my blood are so gentle and encouraging, the sonographer (is that what they are called?) is so patient in explaining what each and every dot is on the screen while she's performing my ultrasounds, sweet Nurse Stephanie is so calming and understanding, and Dr. O is never in a hurry to explain his answer to my "last" question. Really great group of people there.
=> Taking all of the hormones tends to make me a bit, well, "itchy". I know what you're thinking... how is this a good thing? Partly it's good because I get a little more room to be a bit more aggressive. I don't apologize for things that aren't my fault. I don't try to make everyone's lives easier, I just tell it like it is. The other part of why this is good thing is because it shows me who really loves me for the me that's deep inside this mess of a person that I can be sometimes. There is a group of people who know exactly where I am in my cycle, and they give me the room to be dramatically depressed or completely discouraged. They pick me up, tell me to stay focused, and walk next to me until I'm strong enough to stand up myself. I love this group of people so very much.
=>There are perks to a BFN too... like, I can have a glass of wine, or eat sushi with my girlfriend. After my first BFN, I called my pal and asked if she'd meet me for some sushi, and she enthusiastically said "YES"! At the drop of a hat, no need to plan weeks ahead of time. Those are the best kind of friends. The ones who don't require scheduled bonding time.
While the things that are listed above do help to keep my head above water, every day is not a ray of sunshine in my house. I still have days when I sob over my quiet house, or look at Kirk and wish that he didn't have to deal with my mood swings. Some days I just wish that I could take a nap and wake up with a baby. I know the day will come, but the waiting is just so painful sometimes. To be honest, the only thing that gets me through is my faith in Jesus. He's got a plan that is better than mine, and bigger than my mind can comprehend. There's a couple of songs that really stick in my head when I'm losing my way... Casting Crowns- Praise you in this Storm- the chorus goes like this:
I will praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands.
You are who You are, no matter where I am.
Every tear I've cried, you hold in your hand.
You've never left my side, and though my heart is torn,
I will praise you in this storm.
Another special song is by Tenth Avenue North- By your side. It's a song that Jesus used so powerfully to me so many times. Really amazing lyrics:
I'll be by your side, wherever you fall.
In the dead of night, whenever you call.
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding you.
The latest song that has touched my heart is by John Waller- While I'm Waiting. It's from the movie Fireproof (excellent movie!!):
I'm waiting I'm waiting on You, Lord.
And I am hopeful I'm waiting on You, Lord.
Though it is painful but patiently, I will wait.
I will move ahead, bold and confident.
Taking every step in obedience.
While I'm waiting I will serve You.
While I'm waiting I will worship.
While I'm waiting I will not faint.
I'll be running the race even while I wait.
The reason that this last song is so touching is this: for two and a half years, I've been so focused on becoming a Mom that I've missed out on living my life. I've gone from obsessing to analyzing and everything in between. When something consumes your life to this extent, most other things are pushed to the side. The very thing that keeps me going is God's peace that everything will turn out just how he plans. I think that if I were to obsess over God as much as I have the journey to parenthood, then I'd be so much further along in my walk with God then I am. When I think of all the times that I've just been waiting for my life to start, I wonder how much of it I missed.
Of course there are days when it's painful, but really, isn't that just life? When I sit back and think about it, and remember that God's timing is perfect, I can continue running the race, even while I wait.
=> Although the fertility center is more than 50 minutes away, and my appointments are on the cusp of the morning rush hour, usually I miss the traffic. It's actually a pleasant drive too.
=> Everyone at the center is SO sweet. I've only had one negative experience so far, but I'm going to try to stay positive here. The girls at the front desk are always smiling, the girls who draw my blood are so gentle and encouraging, the sonographer (is that what they are called?) is so patient in explaining what each and every dot is on the screen while she's performing my ultrasounds, sweet Nurse Stephanie is so calming and understanding, and Dr. O is never in a hurry to explain his answer to my "last" question. Really great group of people there.
=> Taking all of the hormones tends to make me a bit, well, "itchy". I know what you're thinking... how is this a good thing? Partly it's good because I get a little more room to be a bit more aggressive. I don't apologize for things that aren't my fault. I don't try to make everyone's lives easier, I just tell it like it is. The other part of why this is good thing is because it shows me who really loves me for the me that's deep inside this mess of a person that I can be sometimes. There is a group of people who know exactly where I am in my cycle, and they give me the room to be dramatically depressed or completely discouraged. They pick me up, tell me to stay focused, and walk next to me until I'm strong enough to stand up myself. I love this group of people so very much.
=>There are perks to a BFN too... like, I can have a glass of wine, or eat sushi with my girlfriend. After my first BFN, I called my pal and asked if she'd meet me for some sushi, and she enthusiastically said "YES"! At the drop of a hat, no need to plan weeks ahead of time. Those are the best kind of friends. The ones who don't require scheduled bonding time.
While the things that are listed above do help to keep my head above water, every day is not a ray of sunshine in my house. I still have days when I sob over my quiet house, or look at Kirk and wish that he didn't have to deal with my mood swings. Some days I just wish that I could take a nap and wake up with a baby. I know the day will come, but the waiting is just so painful sometimes. To be honest, the only thing that gets me through is my faith in Jesus. He's got a plan that is better than mine, and bigger than my mind can comprehend. There's a couple of songs that really stick in my head when I'm losing my way... Casting Crowns- Praise you in this Storm- the chorus goes like this:
I will praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands.
You are who You are, no matter where I am.
Every tear I've cried, you hold in your hand.
You've never left my side, and though my heart is torn,
I will praise you in this storm.
Another special song is by Tenth Avenue North- By your side. It's a song that Jesus used so powerfully to me so many times. Really amazing lyrics:
I'll be by your side, wherever you fall.
In the dead of night, whenever you call.
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding you.
The latest song that has touched my heart is by John Waller- While I'm Waiting. It's from the movie Fireproof (excellent movie!!):
I'm waiting I'm waiting on You, Lord.
And I am hopeful I'm waiting on You, Lord.
Though it is painful but patiently, I will wait.
I will move ahead, bold and confident.
Taking every step in obedience.
While I'm waiting I will serve You.
While I'm waiting I will worship.
While I'm waiting I will not faint.
I'll be running the race even while I wait.
The reason that this last song is so touching is this: for two and a half years, I've been so focused on becoming a Mom that I've missed out on living my life. I've gone from obsessing to analyzing and everything in between. When something consumes your life to this extent, most other things are pushed to the side. The very thing that keeps me going is God's peace that everything will turn out just how he plans. I think that if I were to obsess over God as much as I have the journey to parenthood, then I'd be so much further along in my walk with God then I am. When I think of all the times that I've just been waiting for my life to start, I wonder how much of it I missed.
Of course there are days when it's painful, but really, isn't that just life? When I sit back and think about it, and remember that God's timing is perfect, I can continue running the race, even while I wait.
What (Not) to Expect
IUI #1 was a roller coaster of the unknown... we had no idea what to expect. The ride went like this:
Day 1- first day of my period.
Day 3- Bloodwork & Ultrasound. That's right. Ultrasound. On day 3. Wish I was kidding.
Day 3 afternoon- once BW & US come back with normal results, begin Clomid, for the next 5 nights.
Day 9- Shot of Follistim. Literally, a shot below the belt. Not as bad as I thought it would be, but a nerve-wracking day anyway having no idea how it would go.
Day 10- BW & US
Day 10 afternoon- Nurse Stephanie (sweetest nurse alive!) calls to say take another shot of Follistim. Take shot #2.
Day 11- BW & US
Day 11 afternoon- Nurse Stephanie says to "Trigger" tonight. This means I take a shot of Ovidrel, the medication that makes me ovulate 36 hours later. Super. Take shot of Ovidrel.
Day 12- a day off! woo hoo!
Day 13- IUI day! woo hoo! Also happens to be the fourth of July! So yay! Fireworks! IUI day requires a drop off of the "specimen" and then an hour and a half later we come back and the washed "specimen" is placed directly into my uterus via a cathetar. Not so bad. Like the shot, it was the anticipation of the unknown that was the worst part.
Day 14- 29- Begin suppositories of Prometrium. This. Is. Not. Fun. But I do it because I have my eye on the prize.
Day 29- BW- BFN (Big Fat Negative). Nurse Stephanie calls to see if I would like to have another treatment plan or if I need a month off. Are you kidding? No thanks, I've had plently of months at this, let's keep this party going!
Round 2 is almost identical to round 1, except I triggered on day 10 after only one shot of Follistim. IUI day was on a Tuesday, I had the day off of work already because I was supposed to go to Atlantic City with my sister and 2 of her pals. Well, I had to stay home to try and make a baby, so my sister understood! Good thing too, because the cramps were trrrible! Another BFN. Okay, third time's a charm! Round 3 is identical to round 1, 2 shots of Follistim, Ovidrel on day 11, IUI on day 13. This time, I had to go back into work, and it was painful. I was so crampy that I could barely stand up straight. Nurse Stephanie says this is a good thing, as it means that my body is ovulating, and so it only lasts for a few hours, (or in my case, SIX) (I like to over do things.)
Day 1- first day of my period.
Day 3- Bloodwork & Ultrasound. That's right. Ultrasound. On day 3. Wish I was kidding.
Day 3 afternoon- once BW & US come back with normal results, begin Clomid, for the next 5 nights.
Day 9- Shot of Follistim. Literally, a shot below the belt. Not as bad as I thought it would be, but a nerve-wracking day anyway having no idea how it would go.
Day 10- BW & US
Day 10 afternoon- Nurse Stephanie (sweetest nurse alive!) calls to say take another shot of Follistim. Take shot #2.
Day 11- BW & US
Day 11 afternoon- Nurse Stephanie says to "Trigger" tonight. This means I take a shot of Ovidrel, the medication that makes me ovulate 36 hours later. Super. Take shot of Ovidrel.
Day 12- a day off! woo hoo!
Day 13- IUI day! woo hoo! Also happens to be the fourth of July! So yay! Fireworks! IUI day requires a drop off of the "specimen" and then an hour and a half later we come back and the washed "specimen" is placed directly into my uterus via a cathetar. Not so bad. Like the shot, it was the anticipation of the unknown that was the worst part.
Day 14- 29- Begin suppositories of Prometrium. This. Is. Not. Fun. But I do it because I have my eye on the prize.
Day 29- BW- BFN (Big Fat Negative). Nurse Stephanie calls to see if I would like to have another treatment plan or if I need a month off. Are you kidding? No thanks, I've had plently of months at this, let's keep this party going!
Round 2 is almost identical to round 1, except I triggered on day 10 after only one shot of Follistim. IUI day was on a Tuesday, I had the day off of work already because I was supposed to go to Atlantic City with my sister and 2 of her pals. Well, I had to stay home to try and make a baby, so my sister understood! Good thing too, because the cramps were trrrible! Another BFN. Okay, third time's a charm! Round 3 is identical to round 1, 2 shots of Follistim, Ovidrel on day 11, IUI on day 13. This time, I had to go back into work, and it was painful. I was so crampy that I could barely stand up straight. Nurse Stephanie says this is a good thing, as it means that my body is ovulating, and so it only lasts for a few hours, (or in my case, SIX) (I like to over do things.)
Monday, September 7, 2009
The History
What to expect:
Boy meets girl. They fall in love. Get married. Buy a house. Get a dog. Have babies.
Hah! Not so much...
What not to expect:
I met my darling Kirk when I was 17, we were set up on a blind date by a mutual friend. We instantly fell in love, and decided to get married a few years after we met. I was 21, and he was 23. Everyone told us we were too young, but we didn't care... we just wanted to be together and couldn't wait to start our lives together. We were married in 2002, bought a house in 2003, and of course brought home a dog from the pound a few months after we moved into our home.
We were never really in a rush to have kids, although if you'd asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, the answer was always the same... A Mother:) I've always loved kids, and we were both really looking forward to becoming parents when we felt the time would be right.
Well, we thought the time was right in the Spring of 2007, when we decided to start trying to conceive. No stress for the first few months, after all it is normal for it to take up to a year for normal healthy couples. So... after a year, the stress started. I scheduled an appointment with my GYN, and he performed the basic bloodwork, SA, and then scheduled a follow up.
I hate follow ups. Anyway, he said everything was normal, so we scheduled a HSG- a procedure in which dye is injected into the uterus and watched to see if the fallopian tubes are open. I was super nervous the day before, so I called his office to see if there was anything they could do. They prescribed me a strong pain killer and told me to take it 15 minutes before my appointment. Kirk was driving, so I was quite looking forward to being doped up for the day. No. Such. Luck. I cannot put into words how excruciating this procedure was for me. To keep it brief, two different times the catheter looped around itself and my GYN could not preform the procedure. All of that, and still no answers. I was devestated. Kirk encouraged me as best as he could, but I was so angry. So frustrated. All of that pain, and nothing. My mom reminded me that everything happens for a reason and to keep on trusting in God's great wisdom. Easier said than done!
My doctor decided that he would perform a laparoscopy- I would be put under anesthesia, and via two small incisions in my belly, my doctor would check out my insides. While he was watching through a laparoscope, he injected the dye into my uterus and lo, and behold! my tubes were open! Both of them, no problems. But... he did see a bit of endometriosis- a condition in which the tissue that normally lines the uterus begins to grow in other places. He blasted it, and confidantly told Kirk that things were "as they should be" now. Another painful experience, but at least I had more pain medication to get me through until I began to heal.
At my follow up to the laparoscopy, my doctor told me to give it another 3 months, and if I still wasn't pregnant, he would refer me to a doctor that is more specialized in infertility. I was hesitant, but convinced myself that I'd be pregnant in 3 months so I spent very little time worrying over this particular detail.
So... three months came and went, still no pregnancy. Being the overachiever that I am, I had already scheduled an appointment with the Reproductive Endocrinologist, Dr. O. Kirk and I attended an initial meeting with him, where he put us immediately at ease. He seemed very confidant that, no matter what the preliminary testing revealed, we would be able to conceive. We both made appointments for more bloodwork, and I had the added bonus of my first day 3 ultrasound, as well as a Saline Sonogram- Dr. O explained that the uterus is like a flat baloon and that he needed to put water into it to see if there were any abnormalities. Thankfully, none were detected. Bloodwork was normal. Kirk's SA was fine. At our follow up, Dr. O diagnosed us as "Unexplained Infertility".
Fine, what's next?! Let's get me pregnant already! Dr. O's treatment plan included Intra Uterine Insemination with Super Ovulation, or IUI for short. Basically, the take Kirk's "speciman", wash it off so only the best of the best is left, and then place it directly into my uterus via a cathetar. Ovulation is timed to coincide with the actual procedure to provide the best chances for conceiving. Our chances of success were about 20%, which is, ironically, a normal couple's chance of conceiving on any given month.
Fast forward to today- we've just had our 3rd IUI, and I am in the 2ww, or the two week wait. It's the two weeks between the procedure and the pregnancy test. Time goes backwards for me during this time, so I planned to chronicle the past 2 1/2 years during this time. I feel it to be a productive use of the extra 12 hours in each of my days. You know, since time is going backwards. I plan to explain in greater detail exactly what to expect- since no one talks about infertility out in the open. I have a very close group of people in my life that are going through this journey with me who probably know more about my cycle then any one person should. I am so blessed to have the support of each of them. I'm certain that I couldn't do this alone.
Boy meets girl. They fall in love. Get married. Buy a house. Get a dog. Have babies.
Hah! Not so much...
What not to expect:
I met my darling Kirk when I was 17, we were set up on a blind date by a mutual friend. We instantly fell in love, and decided to get married a few years after we met. I was 21, and he was 23. Everyone told us we were too young, but we didn't care... we just wanted to be together and couldn't wait to start our lives together. We were married in 2002, bought a house in 2003, and of course brought home a dog from the pound a few months after we moved into our home.
We were never really in a rush to have kids, although if you'd asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, the answer was always the same... A Mother:) I've always loved kids, and we were both really looking forward to becoming parents when we felt the time would be right.
Well, we thought the time was right in the Spring of 2007, when we decided to start trying to conceive. No stress for the first few months, after all it is normal for it to take up to a year for normal healthy couples. So... after a year, the stress started. I scheduled an appointment with my GYN, and he performed the basic bloodwork, SA, and then scheduled a follow up.
I hate follow ups. Anyway, he said everything was normal, so we scheduled a HSG- a procedure in which dye is injected into the uterus and watched to see if the fallopian tubes are open. I was super nervous the day before, so I called his office to see if there was anything they could do. They prescribed me a strong pain killer and told me to take it 15 minutes before my appointment. Kirk was driving, so I was quite looking forward to being doped up for the day. No. Such. Luck. I cannot put into words how excruciating this procedure was for me. To keep it brief, two different times the catheter looped around itself and my GYN could not preform the procedure. All of that, and still no answers. I was devestated. Kirk encouraged me as best as he could, but I was so angry. So frustrated. All of that pain, and nothing. My mom reminded me that everything happens for a reason and to keep on trusting in God's great wisdom. Easier said than done!
My doctor decided that he would perform a laparoscopy- I would be put under anesthesia, and via two small incisions in my belly, my doctor would check out my insides. While he was watching through a laparoscope, he injected the dye into my uterus and lo, and behold! my tubes were open! Both of them, no problems. But... he did see a bit of endometriosis- a condition in which the tissue that normally lines the uterus begins to grow in other places. He blasted it, and confidantly told Kirk that things were "as they should be" now. Another painful experience, but at least I had more pain medication to get me through until I began to heal.
At my follow up to the laparoscopy, my doctor told me to give it another 3 months, and if I still wasn't pregnant, he would refer me to a doctor that is more specialized in infertility. I was hesitant, but convinced myself that I'd be pregnant in 3 months so I spent very little time worrying over this particular detail.
So... three months came and went, still no pregnancy. Being the overachiever that I am, I had already scheduled an appointment with the Reproductive Endocrinologist, Dr. O. Kirk and I attended an initial meeting with him, where he put us immediately at ease. He seemed very confidant that, no matter what the preliminary testing revealed, we would be able to conceive. We both made appointments for more bloodwork, and I had the added bonus of my first day 3 ultrasound, as well as a Saline Sonogram- Dr. O explained that the uterus is like a flat baloon and that he needed to put water into it to see if there were any abnormalities. Thankfully, none were detected. Bloodwork was normal. Kirk's SA was fine. At our follow up, Dr. O diagnosed us as "Unexplained Infertility".
Fine, what's next?! Let's get me pregnant already! Dr. O's treatment plan included Intra Uterine Insemination with Super Ovulation, or IUI for short. Basically, the take Kirk's "speciman", wash it off so only the best of the best is left, and then place it directly into my uterus via a cathetar. Ovulation is timed to coincide with the actual procedure to provide the best chances for conceiving. Our chances of success were about 20%, which is, ironically, a normal couple's chance of conceiving on any given month.
Fast forward to today- we've just had our 3rd IUI, and I am in the 2ww, or the two week wait. It's the two weeks between the procedure and the pregnancy test. Time goes backwards for me during this time, so I planned to chronicle the past 2 1/2 years during this time. I feel it to be a productive use of the extra 12 hours in each of my days. You know, since time is going backwards. I plan to explain in greater detail exactly what to expect- since no one talks about infertility out in the open. I have a very close group of people in my life that are going through this journey with me who probably know more about my cycle then any one person should. I am so blessed to have the support of each of them. I'm certain that I couldn't do this alone.
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