So, attempt #4 at IUI resulted in another negative pregnancy test. Not a surprise to me, but I'm trying to be positive here, so...
On to IVF! I'm scared. I'm nervous. I'm excited. I'm thrilled. I'm. All. Over. The. Place.
Like normal, I guess.
Once I am comfortable with the protocol, I'll share it. For now, I'm still on step one... which is... drumroll.... Birth Control Pills! ERRRRR,,,,, wha? I'm sorry, Dr. O., I know you have a lot of patients to care for, (even though we're all there because of your specialty in getting girls preggy), but maybe you're not clear on what I'm doing here...
I have no idea why I'm on The Pill. I'm embarassed to call my sweet nurse Stephanie to ask her because I'm certain that Dr. O. explained it clearly to me the day that he dropped the bomb of information onto my lap like a freight train, but... I forget.
So, in an attempt to do it myself, (control freak), I went to the Library on my lunch break and picked up a couple of books to read. It was a classic covert op- and I LOVE a good covert op- my sister and I used to do covert ops all the time. My brother and I did a covert op once a long time ago to. They are the best. Better with backup than solo, but, I was desperate and it was kind of on a whim, so solo mission it was. Anyway I have about 8 books to read within the next 3 weeks. I'll let you know when I know. Edge of your seat, I get it.
I'm seriously wrestling with the work sitch. Do I tell my boss? Any of my co-workers? HR? I have no idea. I have been dragged into at least 27 conversations in the last week about IVF and the octomom, and Jon & Kate and how stupid it was for them to do IVF... (btw, ignorant co-workers, J&K had IUI, not IVF, and it's totally different.) Apparently, everyone that I work with knows more about infertility treatments than even Dr. O. and Stephanie! Maybe I should ask them what the deal with The Pill is... surely they know!
Decisions, decisions.
On a lighter note, I threw a Baby Shower at work for my very-pregnant buyer- she is a doll- having a girl, due 12/15 but there's no way she'll make it to that date. She invited a couple of us to the shower that her sister was throwing for her, (in her swanky downtown condo with her breathtaking view of downtown Baltimore), where I found out that another buyer is also pregnant and due in May! No kidding! It must be something in the water! Then everyone turns to me and says... "How long have you been married? Isn't it time for you two to get started??"
Hah. If only you knew. Maybe I should tell you.... maybe not.... I have no idea.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
I love rainy days.
It's the end of October, one of my favorite months. I love the changing weather, wearing a light jacket in the morning but not needing it at lunchtime. Watching the clouds roll in but having the sun shine through for just a few more minutes before the sky opens up and pours rain over every surface of the earth. It doesn't miss any one spot. I always feel like everything is shiny and clean after the rain. Everything is fresh and all of the dirt is washed away.
Two weeks ago, my church had a Women's Retreat in Chantilly, Virginia. I went because the rest of my friends were going, and everyone said it would be a great time. The hotel is five-star, the bonding is exciting, the food is great... I never expected it to have such a profound impact on my life.
Angie Smith is a blogger- she writes "Bring the Rain". She was our speaker, and her story can be found here: www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com In a word, she is grateful. This sweet woman has encountered serious trials, and when I say serious, I mean, how-can-anyone-see-any-good-in-her-situation serious trials. I'll let you read her blog, because I have mascara on today and don't need to cry, and I'm only 1/10 of my way through it, but her premise is simple- she wants to bring glory to God in all that she does. And in all that happens to her. Every thing. She taught me that, it doesn't matter what your circumstances... My Jesus is the same as he was yesterday, a year ago, 2 1/2 years ago, and 100 years from now. My life is not about me... it's about bringing glory to Him. Angie Smith is so much more selfless than I- my plans are still so very important to me, but in the grand scheme of things, I know that God is in control, (not me), and that everything that happens to me, He is allowing because there is a greater purpose. I'm still trying to grasp the concept, but I think I'm on my way. Pray for me.
One of Angie's jewels was this- even if you aren't feeling grateful for your position in life at the very moment, you can still consciously decide to give thanks to God. My opinion of His greatness does not change the facts- he is the Almighty. Whether I'm on my knees giving thanks for all He's done for me or I'm crying to Him for not giving me a positive pregnancy test, He's the same. There's nothing that I can do that will change the simple fact that I am His child and He is my God. I cannot earn any more of His favor by serving the homeless lunch, nor can I lose His love by telling Him that my way is better than His.
It's amazing to think about. My brain is still trying to grasp these concepts. One of the ladies in our discussion group compared it this way- trying to understand God within the scope of our ability to comprehend is like trying to fill a glass with ocean water and telling someone who's never seen it all about it's grandeur.
I'm not there yet... but I want to be. And I'm going to be. God promises.
Two weeks ago, my church had a Women's Retreat in Chantilly, Virginia. I went because the rest of my friends were going, and everyone said it would be a great time. The hotel is five-star, the bonding is exciting, the food is great... I never expected it to have such a profound impact on my life.
Angie Smith is a blogger- she writes "Bring the Rain". She was our speaker, and her story can be found here: www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com In a word, she is grateful. This sweet woman has encountered serious trials, and when I say serious, I mean, how-can-anyone-see-any-good-in-her-situation serious trials. I'll let you read her blog, because I have mascara on today and don't need to cry, and I'm only 1/10 of my way through it, but her premise is simple- she wants to bring glory to God in all that she does. And in all that happens to her. Every thing. She taught me that, it doesn't matter what your circumstances... My Jesus is the same as he was yesterday, a year ago, 2 1/2 years ago, and 100 years from now. My life is not about me... it's about bringing glory to Him. Angie Smith is so much more selfless than I- my plans are still so very important to me, but in the grand scheme of things, I know that God is in control, (not me), and that everything that happens to me, He is allowing because there is a greater purpose. I'm still trying to grasp the concept, but I think I'm on my way. Pray for me.
One of Angie's jewels was this- even if you aren't feeling grateful for your position in life at the very moment, you can still consciously decide to give thanks to God. My opinion of His greatness does not change the facts- he is the Almighty. Whether I'm on my knees giving thanks for all He's done for me or I'm crying to Him for not giving me a positive pregnancy test, He's the same. There's nothing that I can do that will change the simple fact that I am His child and He is my God. I cannot earn any more of His favor by serving the homeless lunch, nor can I lose His love by telling Him that my way is better than His.
It's amazing to think about. My brain is still trying to grasp these concepts. One of the ladies in our discussion group compared it this way- trying to understand God within the scope of our ability to comprehend is like trying to fill a glass with ocean water and telling someone who's never seen it all about it's grandeur.
I'm not there yet... but I want to be. And I'm going to be. God promises.
Thankful Thursdays
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, (and you'd better!), is to spend some time today thinking about things for which you are truly grateful. There are so many things in our lives that we are blessed with, I'm willing to bet that we may even surprise ourselves with things that we may take for granted that make our lives a little bit better.
Here's my list.
1. Flowers that bloom even when the weather starts to change from Summer to Fall.
2. Fireplace scented evening air.
3. Squirrels in my yard.
4. Sadie chasing squirrels in my yard.
5. Fuzzy socks.
6. Hot baths.
7. Hot apple cider & fresh baked gingersnaps.
8. Rainy days.
9. Sparkly pens.
10. Stickers.
11. Finding a good book at the Library.
12. Comfortable silence.
13. Hankies.
14. Good sales at the grocery store.
15. Unexpected company.
Tell me... what are you thankful for today?
Here's my list.
1. Flowers that bloom even when the weather starts to change from Summer to Fall.
2. Fireplace scented evening air.
3. Squirrels in my yard.
4. Sadie chasing squirrels in my yard.
5. Fuzzy socks.
6. Hot baths.
7. Hot apple cider & fresh baked gingersnaps.
8. Rainy days.
9. Sparkly pens.
10. Stickers.
11. Finding a good book at the Library.
12. Comfortable silence.
13. Hankies.
14. Good sales at the grocery store.
15. Unexpected company.
Tell me... what are you thankful for today?
Sunday, October 4, 2009
4th Time's A Charm?
Have you ever been to a great amusement park with great rides and great food and mediocre entertainement? Have you ever gone on a roller coaster that has a really big incline? You know how it creeps up to the very tippy top of the rise and just before it takes you flying down it feels a little like it's stopped?
That's me right now.
IUI #4 was Friday. After just 1 shot of FSH, I was ready to trigger ovulation. I was a little bummed that it was on a Friday instead of a Saturday, so I didn't have to make up another reason why I wasn't going to arrive into work until 1:30, (everyone assumes it's either an interview, or I'm pregnant, super!), but a Friday IUI does have it's perks... like it was performed by Dr. O, who I heart, and very near to the center is something else that I heart very much.... CHIPOTLE! I love me some burrito bol with extra guacamole! Thinking about it during the less-than-comfortable procedure may have helped get me through. Another big perk, Kirk was with me this time! I mean, it seems fitting that he would be a part of the blessed event, and fortunately his fill-in was able to cover for him for a couple of hours. Heart!
So now that IUI #4 has been performed, we wait. For two weeks. For the blood test to see if it worked or not. I am hoping to stay extra busy for the next 12 days, to try to keep focused on things other than fertility, but it's tough. Ever since Dr. O dropped the IVF bomb I've been trying to think it through in my head... the unknown is always a little scary. Maybe I'll google it some more. That is always fun.
So, friends, any ideas on how I can pass the time?
That's me right now.
IUI #4 was Friday. After just 1 shot of FSH, I was ready to trigger ovulation. I was a little bummed that it was on a Friday instead of a Saturday, so I didn't have to make up another reason why I wasn't going to arrive into work until 1:30, (everyone assumes it's either an interview, or I'm pregnant, super!), but a Friday IUI does have it's perks... like it was performed by Dr. O, who I heart, and very near to the center is something else that I heart very much.... CHIPOTLE! I love me some burrito bol with extra guacamole! Thinking about it during the less-than-comfortable procedure may have helped get me through. Another big perk, Kirk was with me this time! I mean, it seems fitting that he would be a part of the blessed event, and fortunately his fill-in was able to cover for him for a couple of hours. Heart!
So now that IUI #4 has been performed, we wait. For two weeks. For the blood test to see if it worked or not. I am hoping to stay extra busy for the next 12 days, to try to keep focused on things other than fertility, but it's tough. Ever since Dr. O dropped the IVF bomb I've been trying to think it through in my head... the unknown is always a little scary. Maybe I'll google it some more. That is always fun.
So, friends, any ideas on how I can pass the time?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
