Time, is on my side. Yes, it is! It's also on my front, back, and other side. That's how much time I have when I'm waiting for results. During the neverending time, I'm thinking things like... what if it didn't work? what if it did? what is our next step? did that bag of puffy's I just devoured ruin the whole thing? I shouldn't move so much, right? I don't want to shake anything out, you know. (BTW, I asked Dr. O about that, and he told me that my uterus is like a balloon, and no matter how many times you shake it, if it's had a couple of drops of liquid in it, nothing leaks out. He's smart.)
Cut to the chase. Beta is on Dec 17th, a Thursday morning at my usual 7am. Or so. I see all of my sweet friends, Valerie the most cheerful front desk person that you've ever met, and my favorite blood drawer ever, Anna, who ALWAYS gets my blood on the first shot. She even remembers exactly where the vein is without even feeling it because I have a little freckle very near to the special "spot". She follows up with a hug, and everyone wishes me the best. I get to work and try to focus on the tasks at hand, of which there are many. Allow me to remind you that I work at a corporate retail office and Christmas is such a crazy time that our office celebration wasn't until the first week of February this year. I turn off my cell phone because I can't stand the thought of hearing these results until I'm safely at home and able to lose it. Either way. My heart beats so much that I swear I'm borderline having a heart attack, and I try to close my eyes and pray for peace, and lots of deep breaths.
I was supposed to have a financial review that day, but for whatever reason, it was postponed until the following week, so I left exactly at 5:00. Keeping my phone off until I pulled into the driveway, I see the message indicator on my phone telling me that the information I seek is there and waiting. Kirk met me at the door, and we called my VM, put the phone on speaker, and held eachother.
Sweet Nurse Stephanie's voice came on, and it said something like this: "Congratulations, we have a positive pregnancy result! Your level was 399 and we like it to be at least over 100, so you are well on your way! Dr. O would like to see you on Monday for a repeat beta, to confirm that your levels are rising apropriately. Continue taking your medication, and we will see you at 7am on Monday morning! Congratulations again, and tell Kirk that we are so happy for you both!"
Kirk and I are crying, jumping up and down, (forgot my fear of the "shake" at this point"), and shaking with excitement. I am in absolute shock. Let's replay that message, make sure we heard it correctly. So we played it another 2 or possibly 34 times, every time laughing and crying as soon as she said the words "positive pregnancy result". The feeling that I've been looking for for 30 months was here, and in such a real way. I had become so accustomed to hearing the negative results, and I honestly didn't know how to act with this information. So, what did we do? Well, we ate dinner, then I high tailed it to the computer so I could start googling everything pregnancy related that I could think of.
Since we were one week away from Christmas, and we would have our entire families over for dinner to our house, we decided to wait until then to share our wonderful news. We ended up calling our parents a couple of days later, which, in hindsight, I wish we could have planned some more special way to tell them, but regardless, everyone was absolutely thrilled for us.
There is a new song out by Josh Wilson, called Before the Morning. And the chorus goes something like this:
Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing?
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.
So hold on, you gotta wait for the light.
Press on and just fight the good fight.
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning.
I know that this whole process has been the hardest thing I've ever gone through, and I don't think for a minute that I'm out of the woods. I also know that God has given me a tangible reminder of His grace and mercy. He is good, no matter what He gives or takes away. The whole thing just really takes my breath away.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Ketch-up, part 1
Anyone seen Pulp Fiction lately?
So... back to where I left off.
The Egg Retrieval
Date- Sunday, November 29, 6:15 PM
In a word, EXCITING! Mom came with us for some moral support, which I thought was a very sweet gesture. We arrived at the Rockville office, ready for some action! The nurse asks me how I am, and I say "Super stoked to be here." And I mean it. Of course, I'm nervous, and my BP is a little on the highish side, but I am anticipating the best things. Steve the anesthesiologist hooked me up with a sweet IV, and we waited for "The Right Time" aka, 6:15 PM. Kirk waited with me, for the most part. Draw your own conclusions, people. I cannot spell out everything for you! So... once it was time and I had "emptied my bladder" (I love that term!), Steve & I walked into the operating room. I met the on-duty embryologist, recited my ssn, and hopped up onto the table. As I was saddling up, I asked what they were listening to, and it was the soundtrack from Pretty Woman! LOL! I love that movie, and I think I started to talk about it to one of the nurses in the room, and that's really all I remember. I woke up in the recovery area, freezing cold, and the doctor that performed the retrieval said that I had 22 folicles retrieved! And then, to be funny, I said (to the doctor), "What would that be called? Twenty-two-a-tuplets?!" I think I am SO funny. He is not amused. Okay. Nevermind then. We gather our things, get dressed, and trek out to the car. By this point, I'm feeling a little bit nauseous. Kirk starts driving home, and, to keep this clean, had to take 2 pitstops because it was the side of the road or the car. Gross. But, it tasted like nothing. No flavor. Perks to everything, I tell you. Got home, went to bed. Took off work the next day and slept on the couch. It was wonderful.
Days following Retrieval
Nurse Stephanie calls to tell me that I had 18 eggs retrieved, (not every follicle contains an egg). Of the 18, 11 had fertilized, and were growing. I get a few more calls like this, and this is when I start to pray for all of the embryos that are growing in the Lab. I realize that there are families waiting for calls every day, just like us, and I wanted to lift them all up to God. This whole process is so scientific, but, without Him, it's meaningless.
So, Nurse Stephanie calls on Wednesday to tell me that my transfer is Friday @ 11:30, be there at 11:00. No prob, I tell the boss I'm taking another sick day, get Kirk to take the day off, and prepare for the big event! Friday morning, we are getting ready to leave the house, and Nurse Stephanie calls to say that my transfer was pushed to Saturday, because Dr. Osheroff wanted another day to watch the embryos. Not a problem, we hadn't left yet. Kirk and I decide to go to Hanover, PA, and get started on our Christmas Shopping! We had lunch out and really enjoyed this free day!
The Embryo Transfer
Date- Saturday, December 5, 11:45 AM
Again, we travel to Rockville, but, alas, I find out that my very own Dr. Osheroff is doing the transfer! I do not have to tell anyone out there how important relationships are with our doctors. I truly believe that he has our very best interest at heart, and that is very comforting to someone in my situation. He greets us, me with a hug, and Kirk with a manly hand shake, and tells us about the progress of our embryos. We have 2 that are in condition that he calls "pristine". This thrills me. He strongly advises that we put back one, and freeze the other. We trust him, and agree. At this point, I am crying because it's just an overwhelming thing, and I'm about to pee myself because they told me to drink 20-30 oz of water before the procedure! So, the sonographer checks my bladder, finds it to be plenty full, (shocking!) and tells me I can tinkle for a 15 count. I am so nervous about not being able to stop that I slow off after 10, but still. That. Was. Relief. Back to the table. Dr. Osheroff inserts speculum, then cathetar, while sonogram lady pushes on my belly with the little machine thingy. Dr. O shows me on the screen where my uterus is, and calls for The Embryo. As he pushes it through the cathetar, he makes a funny "blip" sound signaling that it's in! I see a teeny tiny flash, but it was more the "blip" that excited me! The embryologists check the cath to make sure the embryo is not stuck in it, and confirm that it is in position. I'm officially PUPO. Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise. I stay reclined for another 10 minutes, while the discharge nurse comes in to review my instructions- bedrest for 24 hours, (not a prob, I'm doing it for 48!), no caffeine, no alcohol, no lifting anything over 25 lbs, you know, act like your pregnant until your pregnancy test. Uh, okay, cause I know what that means! But it's cool because I got a bunch of papers to tell me what I can and can not do. I'm good.
We leave, and as we are driving home, (in a blizzard, mind you!), I am constantly focused on the pic they gave me of our transferred embryo. I think it looks like a snowflake, and can not believe that this could be the beginning of a baby. Once we arrive home, I go straight to bed! Kirk makes us some lunch, and then joins me for a nice long nap. Or, maybe he didn't nap at all. I have no idea. I napped. And it was snowing. An excellent combination. That's pretty much what I did for the rest of Saturday and all day Sunday, until dinner time. Kirk, (I heart him!), made a delicious dinner- chicken alfredo! So, I moseyed down to the dining room to enjoy a dinner with my darling husband. Then I moved to the recliner, where we watched more TV, and finally, went to bed after Desperate Housewives. (I know.)
So... back to where I left off.
The Egg Retrieval
Date- Sunday, November 29, 6:15 PM
In a word, EXCITING! Mom came with us for some moral support, which I thought was a very sweet gesture. We arrived at the Rockville office, ready for some action! The nurse asks me how I am, and I say "Super stoked to be here." And I mean it. Of course, I'm nervous, and my BP is a little on the highish side, but I am anticipating the best things. Steve the anesthesiologist hooked me up with a sweet IV, and we waited for "The Right Time" aka, 6:15 PM. Kirk waited with me, for the most part. Draw your own conclusions, people. I cannot spell out everything for you! So... once it was time and I had "emptied my bladder" (I love that term!), Steve & I walked into the operating room. I met the on-duty embryologist, recited my ssn, and hopped up onto the table. As I was saddling up, I asked what they were listening to, and it was the soundtrack from Pretty Woman! LOL! I love that movie, and I think I started to talk about it to one of the nurses in the room, and that's really all I remember. I woke up in the recovery area, freezing cold, and the doctor that performed the retrieval said that I had 22 folicles retrieved! And then, to be funny, I said (to the doctor), "What would that be called? Twenty-two-a-tuplets?!" I think I am SO funny. He is not amused. Okay. Nevermind then. We gather our things, get dressed, and trek out to the car. By this point, I'm feeling a little bit nauseous. Kirk starts driving home, and, to keep this clean, had to take 2 pitstops because it was the side of the road or the car. Gross. But, it tasted like nothing. No flavor. Perks to everything, I tell you. Got home, went to bed. Took off work the next day and slept on the couch. It was wonderful.
Days following Retrieval
Nurse Stephanie calls to tell me that I had 18 eggs retrieved, (not every follicle contains an egg). Of the 18, 11 had fertilized, and were growing. I get a few more calls like this, and this is when I start to pray for all of the embryos that are growing in the Lab. I realize that there are families waiting for calls every day, just like us, and I wanted to lift them all up to God. This whole process is so scientific, but, without Him, it's meaningless.
So, Nurse Stephanie calls on Wednesday to tell me that my transfer is Friday @ 11:30, be there at 11:00. No prob, I tell the boss I'm taking another sick day, get Kirk to take the day off, and prepare for the big event! Friday morning, we are getting ready to leave the house, and Nurse Stephanie calls to say that my transfer was pushed to Saturday, because Dr. Osheroff wanted another day to watch the embryos. Not a problem, we hadn't left yet. Kirk and I decide to go to Hanover, PA, and get started on our Christmas Shopping! We had lunch out and really enjoyed this free day!
The Embryo Transfer
Date- Saturday, December 5, 11:45 AM
Again, we travel to Rockville, but, alas, I find out that my very own Dr. Osheroff is doing the transfer! I do not have to tell anyone out there how important relationships are with our doctors. I truly believe that he has our very best interest at heart, and that is very comforting to someone in my situation. He greets us, me with a hug, and Kirk with a manly hand shake, and tells us about the progress of our embryos. We have 2 that are in condition that he calls "pristine". This thrills me. He strongly advises that we put back one, and freeze the other. We trust him, and agree. At this point, I am crying because it's just an overwhelming thing, and I'm about to pee myself because they told me to drink 20-30 oz of water before the procedure! So, the sonographer checks my bladder, finds it to be plenty full, (shocking!) and tells me I can tinkle for a 15 count. I am so nervous about not being able to stop that I slow off after 10, but still. That. Was. Relief. Back to the table. Dr. Osheroff inserts speculum, then cathetar, while sonogram lady pushes on my belly with the little machine thingy. Dr. O shows me on the screen where my uterus is, and calls for The Embryo. As he pushes it through the cathetar, he makes a funny "blip" sound signaling that it's in! I see a teeny tiny flash, but it was more the "blip" that excited me! The embryologists check the cath to make sure the embryo is not stuck in it, and confirm that it is in position. I'm officially PUPO. Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise. I stay reclined for another 10 minutes, while the discharge nurse comes in to review my instructions- bedrest for 24 hours, (not a prob, I'm doing it for 48!), no caffeine, no alcohol, no lifting anything over 25 lbs, you know, act like your pregnant until your pregnancy test. Uh, okay, cause I know what that means! But it's cool because I got a bunch of papers to tell me what I can and can not do. I'm good.
We leave, and as we are driving home, (in a blizzard, mind you!), I am constantly focused on the pic they gave me of our transferred embryo. I think it looks like a snowflake, and can not believe that this could be the beginning of a baby. Once we arrive home, I go straight to bed! Kirk makes us some lunch, and then joins me for a nice long nap. Or, maybe he didn't nap at all. I have no idea. I napped. And it was snowing. An excellent combination. That's pretty much what I did for the rest of Saturday and all day Sunday, until dinner time. Kirk, (I heart him!), made a delicious dinner- chicken alfredo! So, I moseyed down to the dining room to enjoy a dinner with my darling husband. Then I moved to the recliner, where we watched more TV, and finally, went to bed after Desperate Housewives. (I know.)
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