Ketch-up, Part 2

Time, is on my side. Yes, it is! It's also on my front, back, and other side. That's how much time I have when I'm waiting for results. During the neverending time, I'm thinking things like... what if it didn't work? what if it did? what is our next step? did that bag of puffy's I just devoured ruin the whole thing? I shouldn't move so much, right? I don't want to shake anything out, you know. (BTW, I asked Dr. O about that, and he told me that my uterus is like a balloon, and no matter how many times you shake it, if it's had a couple of drops of liquid in it, nothing leaks out. He's smart.)
Cut to the chase. Beta is on Dec 17th, a Thursday morning at my usual 7am. Or so. I see all of my sweet friends, Valerie the most cheerful front desk person that you've ever met, and my favorite blood drawer ever, Anna, who ALWAYS gets my blood on the first shot. She even remembers exactly where the vein is without even feeling it because I have a little freckle very near to the special "spot". She follows up with a hug, and everyone wishes me the best. I get to work and try to focus on the tasks at hand, of which there are many. Allow me to remind you that I work at a corporate retail office and Christmas is such a crazy time that our office celebration wasn't until the first week of February this year. I turn off my cell phone because I can't stand the thought of hearing these results until I'm safely at home and able to lose it. Either way. My heart beats so much that I swear I'm borderline having a heart attack, and I try to close my eyes and pray for peace, and lots of deep breaths.
I was supposed to have a financial review that day, but for whatever reason, it was postponed until the following week, so I left exactly at 5:00. Keeping my phone off until I pulled into the driveway, I see the message indicator on my phone telling me that the information I seek is there and waiting. Kirk met me at the door, and we called my VM, put the phone on speaker, and held eachother.
Sweet Nurse Stephanie's voice came on, and it said something like this: "Congratulations, we have a positive pregnancy result! Your level was 399 and we like it to be at least over 100, so you are well on your way! Dr. O would like to see you on Monday for a repeat beta, to confirm that your levels are rising apropriately. Continue taking your medication, and we will see you at 7am on Monday morning! Congratulations again, and tell Kirk that we are so happy for you both!"
Kirk and I are crying, jumping up and down, (forgot my fear of the "shake" at this point"), and shaking with excitement. I am in absolute shock. Let's replay that message, make sure we heard it correctly. So we played it another 2 or possibly 34 times, every time laughing and crying as soon as she said the words "positive pregnancy result". The feeling that I've been looking for for 30 months was here, and in such a real way. I had become so accustomed to hearing the negative results, and I honestly didn't know how to act with this information. So, what did we do? Well, we ate dinner, then I high tailed it to the computer so I could start googling everything pregnancy related that I could think of.
Since we were one week away from Christmas, and we would have our entire families over for dinner to our house, we decided to wait until then to share our wonderful news. We ended up calling our parents a couple of days later, which, in hindsight, I wish we could have planned some more special way to tell them, but regardless, everyone was absolutely thrilled for us.
There is a new song out by Josh Wilson, called Before the Morning. And the chorus goes something like this:
Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing?
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.
So hold on, you gotta wait for the light.
Press on and just fight the good fight.
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning.

I know that this whole process has been the hardest thing I've ever gone through, and I don't think for a minute that I'm out of the woods. I also know that God has given me a tangible reminder of His grace and mercy. He is good, no matter what He gives or takes away. The whole thing just really takes my breath away.